In 1999, when I was 15 years old, I bought my first album on CD - Rage Against The Machines self titled album, which sparked my love of Rock and Metal music that endures to this day. That same year, I begged my parents to get me a guitar and a few months later I left the music store with a Fender Mexican Stratocaster and a Fender Frontman 25 amp and a book on Rock n’Roll Blues Scales for Guitar.
In my bedroom I practiced for hours a day, dreaming of one day playing music for a live audience and expressing myself through music. There was a popular band from my school who were looking for a guitar player and I wanted in. So I practiced and practiced until my fingers were blistered and my poor brother and parents, sick of the endless noise, wanted to throw my amp into the dumpster.
Before my band tryout, I went back to the music store to buy my first set of replacement strings and I was drawn to this incredible sound coming from the guitar section. There was a man sat on a stool, shredding a guitar like Yngwie Malmsteen. I watched him, mesmerized for a while as he ran up and down the fretboard so effortlessly that I thought his hands must be imbued with the power of the Metal Gods. He introduced himself to me as Justin, who would become my guitar teacher. I told him about my band tryout and he wished me luck, passing his phone number on a strip of paper to give to my parents.
The same week, I brought my guitar and lunch box amp to an after school practice where I would try out for the school rock band, named “Seven Foot Drag Queens”, who’s lead singer was a friend of my brothers. They played covers of some of most well known rock bands, and in preparation for the try out, I had learned (as well as I could), Nirvana’s ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ and The Smashing Pumpkins ‘Bullet With Butterfly Wings’. Without much conversation they gestured for me to set up and the drummer counted me in. I don’t remember the moments of playing at all, just the crippling anxiety of playing an instrument in front of an audience, and the confusion of trying to play with a band for the first time. I do vividly remember what happened after I finished playing…
“You suck dude!” their frontman told me, before the rest of the band laughed, clearly in agreement. I was heartbroken, and humiliated. Feeling completely dejected, I took my gear back home and sulked in my room for the next few days, without picking up the guitar at all.
My guitar teacher, Justin, arrived at my house the next week for our first lesson. I reluctantly plugged my guitar back in and he gestured for me to hand it to him. While quickly tuning the guitar by ear like he was a human guitar tuner, he asked me how my audition had went. Embarrased, I told him they had said that “I sucked”. “GREAT!” he exclaimed. I was confused and thought that he must have been making a joke of it, when he continued. “You have to suck as much as possible, you are going to suck terribly and after you suck you are going to suck some more.” I smiled, finding it kind of humorous. The next thing he said echoes in my mind 25 years later, every single day. “EMBRACE the SUCK Dave.” Justin had just taught me one of the most important lessons of my life, and a philosophy I try to live by to this day - that through repeated trying, failure, trying again, failing some more and stubbornly trying again and again, you can accomplish what seems impossible. By sucking, you recognize that you can do things better, and keep yourself open to learning.
I improved my playing week after week and ultimately started my own band which performed covers of more technical Scandinavian Thrash Metal like At The Gates and The Haunted. I played all night, all week end, before dates and exams to calm my nerves and before bed to unwind. I obsessively sucked at guitar. By the time we shared a stage with that same band, the same frontman told me after the show “Wow, you’re better than us now.” I appreciated the compliment and my moment of redemption but in my mind - I still sucked.
In the time since, I’ve played with some amazing musicians, opened shows for bands like Teenage Head at The Horseshoe Tavern in Toronto, played to a packed crowd at the Toronto Opera House, released several albums and even got a song I wrote onto the Radio which got over 10,000 Spotify Plays (which earned us $22 - don’t do music as a career kids!).
25 years later and I’m still playing and sucking as hard as ever. I don’t know where Justin the guitar teacher ended up after I left home for University, but I’m forever grateful for teaching me to not be afraid of failure, but to make it an art. If you aren’t failing, you aren’t trying. So, welcome to my personal blog and space where I write about my endless journey of learning - and in Justin’s honor, I named it: The Art of Failing.
